Seeds of Kindness

On Friday, December 14, 2012, at Sandy Hook Elementary School it took 1 person less than 20 minutes to rob us of 26 beautiful faces. They were our friends and neighbors; sisters, brothers, daughters and sons. We were wounded deeply; not only by the loss of the individuals for which we cared but also by the loss of our normalcy.

I hesitate to say innocence, because after 62 mass murders in the last 30 yrs, none of us are truly innocent anymore. After each one, we raise our voices, shake our fists and shout "Never again!", only to sink back into the rhythm of our day-to-day lives when the initial shock wears off. We like normalcy - it's comfortable; safe. It's the sand we bury our heads in.

I've heard that this time may be different: that action may finally be taken to prevent these killings. That the shock to our psyche of knowing that 20 of the lives that were taken from us were the smallest of children will drive us to do something; as if someone's age (or lack thereof) somehow determines their worth. I truly hope so because, while no one deserves to be murdered, the horror of burying children is something else entirely.

In those few minutes, our town was punched in the gut by the hand of death. But over the past week, we've also been embraced in the arms of the world. We've felt the outpouring of support and been touched as you help shoulder our grief. It's truly humbling. I think it's in this collective embrace that we can all heal.

We all know what kind of world we want to live in and I think we all agree it's a world that more closely resembles this collective embrace than the world that led us to need one. We all want a world where we show we care for and about each other - strangers - in tangible ways; one where we take a stand against violence; a world where we don't merely bow our heads in a moment of silence for slaughtered children but rather take meaningful action to ensure it never happens again. The question isn't just how can we - but will we?

Will we? We've shown it's possible. We're doing it as I write this. The challenge will be keeping it up when the news trucks drive away and the holidays are over. Just when we find ourselves quietly slipping back into our 'normal', we have to snap out of it and fervently pursue that world that we so desire. We simply...must. This has to be the new 'normal' that we slip into.

Act, but be more thoughtful in our actions; whether that's ending our support of the culture of violence by not buying certain video games for our children (no matter how much they complain), advocating for better mental healthcare or writing our congressman to pursue and enact reasonable and effective legislation to make the ownership of guns safer for society as a whole and our children specifically. It could be something as simple as bringing the extra vegetables grown in our garden to a food program for the needy or offering to help your neighbor with cleaning the gutters. Be thoughtful in the ways we interact with each other. Actively seek to spread kindness.

This is the type of change we need if we are to create the world we all want. It is incumbent upon all of us to be the change we want to see. 

We need to focus less on what we are allowed to do and start focusing more on what we SHOULD do. We all contain the seeds of kindness and the seeds of violence. Which seeds we choose to water in our lives is up to us. Take a moment to close your eyes and picture the 26 shining faces that we've been mourning.

Go ahead, I'll wait.

This is my reflection after enduring the funeral of a beautiful 7 year old boy. His pockets were brimming with the seeds of kindness.

If you really truly want to honor him and the other victims, the greatest gift you can give is choosing to water the right seeds.

www.flickr.com/photos/scott-s_photos/4801306550/

Baby observations

For those who are also Facebook friends, you'll be familiar with most of this post, so bear with me.  As I've said before, I don't know much about babies.  And, as I suspect it is with most dads, I'm sort of winging this whole Fatherhood thing.  It's been a learn as I go experience.

Being a planner by nature and vocation, "flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants" is completely divergent from my normal modus operandi.  I do believe that change is good and that you never stop learning - so I'm trying to relish 'living in the moment' and not spending my time planning my (our) next step.  At least as much as I am able.

That said, my mind tends to wander from the moment as I sit there in the dark at 2am, holding a baby in one arm and a bottle in the other.  I'm not ashamed to admit that sleep deprivation has led that mental wandering to some pretty freaking weird places.  Weird in a 'Willy Wonka' kind of way...not weird in a 'lock you up and throw away the key' way.

Hands down, the best place it's led me though, is in finding ways to articulate the humor I find in babies and parenthood.  In the morning, after I've managed to drive to work (really not sure how I managed that some days), I'd post my baby observations on Facebook.  I received a lot of positive feedback (which might be a measure of my friends and not the quality of my posts) - so I thought I'd share them here.

We'll see how many I get to by the time she graduates. My creativity has dried up somewhat since Aili has started to sleep longer (which, of course, means so am I). Who says sleep deprivation is all bad?

Here's a few I've come up with so far...

Baby observation #1: (March 29) Contrary to popular opinion (or at least mine up until a week ago), newborns don't just sleep, eat and evacuate. They play games too. It seems their favorite is "let's see how many times in a row I can soil the diaper daddy just put on me". Being a proud poppa, I'll boast that my daughter is a champ at this game.

Baby observation #2: (March 30)There needs to be a serious re-interpretation of the phrase "I slept like a baby".

Baby observation #3: (April 2) Babies are incredibly patient. For instance, they will spend ALL day being sweet, quiet, cooing gently - dare I say even feigning peaceful sleep - lulling those around them into a false sense of well being...waiting for the absolute perfect moment (say, 45 seconds after parental units shut off the light and crawl into bed) to release the hounds. They are not to be underestimated.

Baby observation #4: (April 4) Infants have the power to bend space & time.

Over the last 2 weeks I have observed a notable increase in the effect of inertia. It seems to take herculean effort to stand up and walk down the hall, tasks seem to take forever and everyone appears to live in fast forward.

Time has - concurrently - seemed to increase (as in - how the heck is she 2 weeks old already?) and slowed down (as in - oh my god how can it still be only 2pm?).  Given the timing of such changes to the laws of physics, I can only assume my child is a reincarnation of the Time Lord, Dr. Who. Well, that, or I'm just tired.

Baby observation #5: (April 5) If my child is any indication, the solution to the current economic malaise is nipple flow. Yes...I just typed "nipple flow". (Bet you never thought you'd see ME type those words.)


Whether it be the natural variety or the plastic variety, apparently more is better. It seems more = less frustration/gas = more sleep for baby = more sleep for parental units = happier more alert parental units = greater parental unit job performance = bigger raise = more spending money = more private sector economic stimulus = greater GDP.

Therefore more nipple flow = greater GDP. My money is on the candidate that adopts this as his platform to easily win the White House.

Baby observation #6: (April 9) There is nothing that feels better than quietly rocking in the lazy-boy with your infant fast asleep on your chest....especially once you've recovered from the well aimed 2am head butt to the throat.

Baby observation #7: (April 9) Not all baby bottles are up to the whole 'boil to disinfect' thing. Especially the ones with "do not boil" written on the side in fine print.

Baby observation #8: (April 11) Forget the Yankees vs. the Red Sox....or Team Edward vs. Team Jacob. The real action is with Team Balmex vs. Team Boudreaux's Butt Paste. Over the last few months I've discovered that nothing can start a fight quicker than stating one is better than the other. At the risk of being de-friended: mark us down as Team Balmex. It's not for the lack of trying that Butt Paste didn't win my favor though. I mean, c'mon, it's named BUTT PASTE for crying out loud. Having never grown up, how can I not love any product named "BUTT PASTE". They even have ORGANIC butt paste. Although to me, using organic butt paste is a little like using fluorescent bulbs in an oil refinery. The effort to be green is kind of lost when used on something that produces something so potentially toxic.

Baby observation #8.5: (April 18) You know what's really fun? Midnight diaper blowouts. And I mean that in the most "not really fun" way possible. Good thing she's so freaking cute.

Baby observation #9: (April 23) If any of you have school age children that need to interview someone on what life was like in the past, I suggest you have them do this: Hand a baby to someone who is ‘chronologically gifted’ and start writing/recording.

Soon they’ll hear gems like “In our day we didn’t have these fancy shmancy diapers that change color when they’re wet….NO! We wrapped babies in little towels. And when they pooped…we dunked ‘em in a bucket…baby and all!”, or “Back in our day we didn’t have these ‘pack-n-plays’ to sleep in when we travelled….NO! we laid them down in a dresser drawer…and if they cried – we shut it!”. I'm sure they'll get an A+.

Baby observation #9.5: (April 26) "To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub.".....Did Shakespeare have an infant?

It's different when it's your own...

She's here!  Meet Aili (pronounced "eye-lee"):

Thankfully "they" are correct...it really is different when it is your own.  No return policy needed.

Changing diapers isn't a chore.  Her cries aren't sending me running.  3am feedings aren't a drag....ok, maybe I'm stretching it a little with that last one.  In fact, her 3am feedings have deepened my already substantial appreciation of a good (strong) cup of coffee.

Actually, she's pretty neat.  And beautiful.  And laid-back.  And I just want to eat her up she's so darned cute.

OK, I admit it:  I'm smitten.

I really look forward to teaching her about this world.  Showing her the importance of playing in fields with our pup just watching the wind sweep the aside the clouds...being serenaded by the swish of the long grass and birds calling to each other.  Or merely how to choose the perfect skipping stone.  I want to teach her the wisdom of the Dali Lama, Henry Thoreau and Dr. Seuss. In short, I want to help guide her into a strong, independent, intelligent, kind, compassionate woman able to appreciate the beauty in life and deflect the ugly.

It's been two weeks since she was born.  We're trying to get into as much of a routine as possible.  Trying to figure her out a little since she didn't arrive with a manual (not that I read instructions anyway).  I suspect I'll be posting quite a bit about that as my ignorance of all things baby seems to amuse my friends.

I'd also like to create a bit of a tribute to Aili.  A history of her life that she can read (eventually read that is...we're working on our addition and multiplication tables currently) and marvel that she survived my attempts at being a good and responsible father.

I do feel a need to give a shout out to two blogs in particular that have served as inspiration for a blog chronicling Aili's life.  I've read this blog for awhile now as they are cruisers and he takes very good pics (two topics dear to my heart).  Another photography rich cruising blog (and now FB friend) is written by Cindy.  I recommend getting a cup of strong coffee, sitting down and checking them both out.

Welcome to the world Aili - your mom and I love you very much.

Changes are a coming...

It was a surprise - although perhaps shouldn't have been a shock.  We are expecting.


While we are both on board with the coming changes to our lives, I'm struggling a bit more with the sea change our lives will be taking.  I admit it:  I'm selfish.  I like to be able to do what I want when I want and I'd like to keep it that way.  I like making the steady progress we have towards financial goals (must be the planner in me):  to retire early with a paid off mortgage and travel the world on a sailboat.


The foundation of my world - as it currently is - is about to be swallowed up like it was built on quicksand.


Looks like I'm going to have to modify those goals/dreams a bit (a lot).  While doable - it'll take a lot more sacrifice, work and time.  This is what I'm struggling with.  That and (confession time) I'm not overly fond of kids.  Never was - even when I was a kid.


And forget about the whole childbirth thing.  When I was a volunteer EMT I'd offer to drive on maternity calls.  In my mind:  It just ain't right.  Something that big should not come out of there.  Can't help but think of Alien.


Don't get me wrong - I love my nieces and nephews...but I also like handing them back afterwards.  There is no "handing back" when it's your own.  Folks say "it's different when it's your own".  I'm counting on that as apparently there is no return policy.


We are in nesting mode.  Our home is a whirlwind of cleaning, organizing and minor home renovation projects.  I'm off to cross off a few items on the list....

Time time time....

The amazing thing about time is how fleeting it is.  How small and insignificant those grains of sand seem as they slide through the neck of the hour glass only to accumulate in a large mound underneath with incredible quickness.

So it is with amazement and not a little shame that I'm admitting to how much time has gone by since the last and only posts to this blog.  Experiencing life seems to interfere with the recording of it - a common theme I've read from other bloggers.  I will endeavor to change this.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot

first and call whatever you hit the target.

I'm taking this advice to heart and considering a blog post every few months my new target.  See how successful I am?


Since the last entry, much has happened.  Summer seemed to be a non-event.  We didn't receive the long spells of blistering, unbearable heat that I recall from past summers.  It seemed to be muted...and wet.


Other than a freak snow that dumped a foot before the leaves could fall, winter likewise has struggled to make an appearance.  November exited stage left in the mid 60's.  Apparently the weird weather wreaked havoc with the fall foliage across New England.  The Maples really need that hard cold snap to turn the brilliant reds, oranges and peach colors the area is known for.  Instead the landscape was an underwhelming sea of yellows and browns.  Of course that freak snow storm I mentioned didn't help.  It caused severe damage to the trees as the snow clung to the leaves rather than falling between bare branches.  Now that the leaves have truly fallen the trees look like so many broken fingers reaching skyward.  The bright scars of bare wood where branches hang limply dot the otherwise wintry gray landscape.


Do you know what the doppler effect is?  The Doppler effect is named after Austrian physicist Christian Doppler who sought to describe the change in frequency of a wave for an observer moving relative to the source of the wave.  In simpler terms, it explains why the siren of an approaching ambulance gets higher as it approaches and then drops after it passes.  I mention this because this also describes the month of December.


December, with it's crush of holiday madness approaches like a freight train in the distance.  Slowly at first, steadily building and building to a crescendo of bight lights, merriment and good cheer only to quickly fade once it passes.  


We aren't particularly religious people (not at all in my case).  Our celebrations center on family with a sprinkling of your standard decoration for tradition's sake.  I particularly abhor the commercialism and shopping mania that so many seem to get wrapped up in (pun intended).  Shopping malls are decidedly out for me from November to January.  We rely on Secret Santa to handle the gift giving for the adults (limit $50 please...we don't want Santa to go into hock).  The nieces and nephews get somewhat more spoiled.  It keeps the holiday more sane and enjoyable in my opinion.


This year will more than likely be the last "low-key" holiday for us for reasons to be explained later.  We didn't even bother with putting up a tree this year.  The "greenie" in me can't quite accept killing a tree, decorate it for a month or so only to trash it soon thereafter before it becomes a fire hazard.  It just strikes me as wrong.  This year we considered a "fake" tree, but they are so...well...fake.  Of course that leaves decorating a live tree


A blogger I read, Cindy (and family) from Zach Aboard, has created an mish-mosh of holiday traditions - stemming from Christmas, Hanukkah, and Pagan (winter solstice) - to create one uniquely their own.  I like this.  A lot.  Perhaps in the years ahead we'll do something similar:  Winter Solstice with a smattering of Christmas thrown in for good measure.


Overall, 2011 was pretty good.  We managed to escape the daily grind and take a few vacations.   We made the pilgrimage to visit Mom/G in Florida to do a little sailing.  It is, more than likely, our last trip for a awhile though.  As I alluded to earlier, Changes are a coming.  L is pregnant and our little girl is due in March.

Away.

Sitting at my desk on an average March day - early afternoon.  City maintenance vehicles can be heard banging away on the street 11 floors below as I plod along with my work.  The squeak of some un-greased mechanical connection can be heard above the din that sounds suspiciously like an Osprey.

It sounds remarkably like the Ospreys we see nesting along the Florida Gulf coast when we visit there.  Would be really nice to be there....and not here.  Anywhere (almost) but here.

The cruising blogs I read daily and the wallpaper filling the screen with full sails and blue water just isn't cutting it.  I need to get away.  For awhile.

Winter walk

We've been a bit stir crazy lately.  Between work, (work and more work),  2 ft of snow confining us to the plowed/cleared pavement and our pup trying to make up for her yard being turned into a frozen tundra by running through the house - we were ready for some play time.  We took Kaia for a walk up to Fairfield Hills to see if the trails were cleared.  While I admire the town's optimism and enthusiasm in promoting outdoor activity, I'm thinking they might be a bit premature on little league spring training:

Play Ball!

This is more like it!!:

Not sure the phone camera captured it well, but the sky was darkening creating a terrific contrast with the white snow on the roof of one of the old buildings: